Internet Dating
The internet dating is a new and great way to meet people in the modern age. With all the info on the information superhighway, it is amazing how little information we actually want to concede when we make our profile. For example, a woman's profile
Height: 5'7
Weight: umm...I don't want to tell you.
Facial hair: Can't tell you that either!
What are you looking for: I am not sure...
Wow what a great clear description we have. Sometimes there is a photo and you never know if that photo is going to do that person justice when you really meet them. "I was expecting you to look more like Kim Basinger in 9 1/2 weeks not Kim Basinger in 90 1/2 years."
A lot of women have the same thing on their profile which leads me to believe that they either feel the same way or they are PLAGIARIZING each other. "I like taking long walks on the beach." How many times has that line been used? Of course in Mexico where the women are sometimes angrier - "I like to take long walk on da bitch". Suddenly that accent takes on a whole different meaning.
I read a lot of ..."I am looking for someone to make me laugh". What am I? An entertainment centre? Don't you have cable? Ever heard of the COMEDY NETWORK? If so many women are out there looking for comics, maybe Yuk Yuks should be the new meat market. Of course, there is my personal favourite, "if you are looking for sex, move on to the next..." - I never get the next word because I am on to the next profile. Well I mean if she is looking to date a monk then that would justify her putting that disclaimer in there.
Another favourite of mine - "Are There Any Nice Guys Out There? Hundreds of horny college guys are screaming at their computer - "NO!" These women get frustrated because they fall for the same cliche and myths. "I am looking for my soulmate". Most guys are not thinking about that. They are looking for sex and possibly staying with someone who won't nag their asses when they want to watch football all afternoon instead listening to "what needs to be done." So what type of men do these cliched women attract. Believe it or not, there are men out there who respond to these profiles - poor and desperate pakistanis looking to get into the country by being sponsored only to collect on welfare and ditch their asses when they find out about the many advantages of d-i-v-o-r-c-e.
I am sure guys are not much more interesting with their internet profiles. Would it not be great if everyone were just honest. "Hi my name is Keith and I am looking to get laid. My hobbies are burping, farting and getting laid. My occupation is a minimum wage job which allows me to daydream about how to get laid. I am 35 years old and I still live with my parents. I am looking for big boobs, someone sexy (or both)or if I drink a lot ....anyone! My ambition is to write the perfect one line in which the result will get me laid." Honesty is so attractive isn't it?
Of course at the other end, is the person who is too honest and wants to surrender and unleash on you every bad thing that ever happened. "Well I got on drugs when I was 14 and my teacher impregnated me and then ...." Whoa...stop right there...I guess we could classify that under "too much information".
I would love to see some interesting profiles that are off the wall...those are the ones worth reading. "I am an Elephant pooper scooper in the circus...so I see enough shit already!" "The male praying mantis cannot copulate until it is beheaded by the female...I hope you don't lose either of your heads with me." How about ..." I am looking for the Elephant Man...I want to look at your penis and say...How do you breathe through that thing." "The last man I dated was a giant and he left some clothes behind...therefore looking for a man with big fingers, big feet and what the hell...big nose!" "I am looking for dishonesty...I want my Pinnochio to lie to me every night!" And so the battle contnues - women marketing themselves as wholesome beings with the cliched romantic wishes and men looking for the more trashier profiles that would make the humpback whale straighten out for the big climax.
Height: 5'7
Weight: umm...I don't want to tell you.
Facial hair: Can't tell you that either!
What are you looking for: I am not sure...
Wow what a great clear description we have. Sometimes there is a photo and you never know if that photo is going to do that person justice when you really meet them. "I was expecting you to look more like Kim Basinger in 9 1/2 weeks not Kim Basinger in 90 1/2 years."
A lot of women have the same thing on their profile which leads me to believe that they either feel the same way or they are PLAGIARIZING each other. "I like taking long walks on the beach." How many times has that line been used? Of course in Mexico where the women are sometimes angrier - "I like to take long walk on da bitch". Suddenly that accent takes on a whole different meaning.
I read a lot of ..."I am looking for someone to make me laugh". What am I? An entertainment centre? Don't you have cable? Ever heard of the COMEDY NETWORK? If so many women are out there looking for comics, maybe Yuk Yuks should be the new meat market. Of course, there is my personal favourite, "if you are looking for sex, move on to the next..." - I never get the next word because I am on to the next profile. Well I mean if she is looking to date a monk then that would justify her putting that disclaimer in there.
Another favourite of mine - "Are There Any Nice Guys Out There? Hundreds of horny college guys are screaming at their computer - "NO!" These women get frustrated because they fall for the same cliche and myths. "I am looking for my soulmate". Most guys are not thinking about that. They are looking for sex and possibly staying with someone who won't nag their asses when they want to watch football all afternoon instead listening to "what needs to be done." So what type of men do these cliched women attract. Believe it or not, there are men out there who respond to these profiles - poor and desperate pakistanis looking to get into the country by being sponsored only to collect on welfare and ditch their asses when they find out about the many advantages of d-i-v-o-r-c-e.
I am sure guys are not much more interesting with their internet profiles. Would it not be great if everyone were just honest. "Hi my name is Keith and I am looking to get laid. My hobbies are burping, farting and getting laid. My occupation is a minimum wage job which allows me to daydream about how to get laid. I am 35 years old and I still live with my parents. I am looking for big boobs, someone sexy (or both)or if I drink a lot ....anyone! My ambition is to write the perfect one line in which the result will get me laid." Honesty is so attractive isn't it?
Of course at the other end, is the person who is too honest and wants to surrender and unleash on you every bad thing that ever happened. "Well I got on drugs when I was 14 and my teacher impregnated me and then ...." Whoa...stop right there...I guess we could classify that under "too much information".
I would love to see some interesting profiles that are off the wall...those are the ones worth reading. "I am an Elephant pooper scooper in the circus...so I see enough shit already!" "The male praying mantis cannot copulate until it is beheaded by the female...I hope you don't lose either of your heads with me." How about ..." I am looking for the Elephant Man...I want to look at your penis and say...How do you breathe through that thing." "The last man I dated was a giant and he left some clothes behind...therefore looking for a man with big fingers, big feet and what the hell...big nose!" "I am looking for dishonesty...I want my Pinnochio to lie to me every night!" And so the battle contnues - women marketing themselves as wholesome beings with the cliched romantic wishes and men looking for the more trashier profiles that would make the humpback whale straighten out for the big climax.
posted by Robert @ 9:01 p.m.
1 Comments:
At 3:33 p.m.,
Anonymous said…
and everyson often, someone comes along.. who is a little of both... an angel and a devil, and procedes to rock your world.
wink.
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