Video Testing

This is my first Video up...now if I can only figure out why Youtube is not connecting to this site.

Somewhere in Croatia

Somewhere in Croatia, the communists are meeting. Here is an overheard speech from their leader:

Comrades, welcome and for those of you who do not know me, I am Secretary Iva Godanic. I would like to open our first meeting of the Croatian Communist Party since the shooting incident of 2003.
Comrades, as I sip my French wine, eat my Italian pasta and Hungarian Goulash and enjoy my Polish vodka as I sit in my German leather couch, I cannot express enough my pride in being Croatian. To start off let's review:

In 1989, the Berlin Wall fell. Next year, the Soviet Union fell apart and all the Eastern European countries became free again.
What the f--- happened? One minute I was a party boss saying yes to Brezhnev and the next thing I know my double pension has been reduced. I threaten to shoot my wife and now she thinks I am joking. By the way nobody has to worry about any party purges tonight...the remaining ten of you will be fine.

Comrades, the world is changing and so is our place in it. We could never visit Poland because we could never pronounce the name of the Polish Ambassador. Since we do not share a border with them, it was not that important anyways. Speaking of ambassadors, we need to send someone to eliminate the Croatian communist congress of South Africa because there can be only one Croatian communist party. Might as well wipe out the one in Australia and New Zealand while we are at it. Does anyone have any frequent flyer points? No? Oh well there is always travel by boat...

Comrades, life was good in the old communist days. Ah to be paid to sit and watch a bridge and then shoot anyone who tried to use it..... to shoot a person who was running away...only to find out his house exploded...How we constantly disobeyed all of Moscow's orders because no one could speak Russian.

Today, we must prepare for the future and so here are the assignments - Sergei Abromovic - you are domestic and foreign affairs critic - this means you can pee wherever you like. Alexa Amawic and Vladmir Sonavabic - you will both head up diplomacy. U. Indadic will be my chauffeur once the car is repaired. Ura Sosic will be the agricultural critic.

I will now finish the meeting by asking all of you to distribute the propaganda flyers everywhere except the three factories I own in town and the other two.....ok ...just give me the flyers...

Will be posting again soon!

Mucho changes in the last six months have distracted me from posting anything ....will be writing again soon once my fall schedule gets into a settling rhythm.

The Bludgeoning of the Grammys

What have the Grammys become? It used to be an award show that reflected all the kinds of music we love but no more. The Grammy's have left me so angry that I had to immediately write about it even as the program is closing.
First of all, the entertainment. Since when did the Grammy all of a sudden go black? Black music, hip hop and rap were way over-represented at the evening ceremonies. I could find very little distinction between the Grammy's and a night at the Apollo. I mean aren't all music genres supposed to be represented here?
Where do I start with the lows that the evening had to offer?
First a note to Madonna - KNOW YOUR AGE! Your legs are not a sight to behold...put something on them..ugh...and I have seen all that group dance troupe thing before in many of your previous movies and videos.
The weirdest tribute and performance came with Sly and the Family Stone. Other than showing up with the bleach mohawk, Sly seemed totally oblivious that everyone wanted him to sing! Hello! A whole ensemble of singers are doing your material...you might want to stick around a bit until at least the song finishes. He just waves and takes off. Sly exemplifies what artists become when we worship them...eccentric and egotistical. Don't worship your favourite singers folks just appreciate them...you worship them like demagogues and they start to believe that their crap really doesn't smell...next thing you know they are pooping anywhere they want because hey .."it don't stink".
The most unbearable thing to watch was yet to come when I recoiling in horror, watched as U2 won for Album of the Year. Let me be clear that I am not U2-bashing here and it is not even about their "what me again?" acceptance of winning everything the Grammies and other award shows automatically give them. What enrages me is that the group's song Vertigo is a blatant rip off of Kim Wilde's "Set Me Free". Here is where I lash out at the Grammy's. Those Grammy judges who decided to award U2 the album award based mainly on that song are encouraging future groups to rip off other groups and other songs. U2, like them or not, should have owned up to stealing from Kim Wilde and to accept an award for something that they plagiarized is just enraging. Those judges should be fired on the spot.
The rest of the choices are all subjective but I really had to groan when Kelly Clarkson won two awards. She was gracious to mention all her fellow nominees - Cheryl Crow, Gwen Stefani but she forgets to mention Sir Paul McCartney??? Hello? How can you not know that you are competing with Paul McCartney in your category??? That is something even U2's Bono graciously did do when they won their last award that Sir Paul competed in.
A big thumbs down to the Grammys. There is way more talent out there but it will not get equal time because the black rap culture must be dominant. I cringed when Paul McCartney showed up to sing his Yesterday to a rap music scenario. What the hell were you thinking Paul? This is yet another sign that the Grammy's has kicked the baby boomers and X-generation in the ass in favour of the bubble-chewing ipod user who is still downloading for free and who does not know who the old British guy singing Helter Skelter is.
The Grammy Show is an excellent example how we have all turned the page since the sixties. Artists like John Lennon could take subversive swipes at society while capturing imagination with his songs. He would have gagged at the tired endless cliches of rich celebrities pleading with masses for charitable causes. (IE. "Go down to New Orleans right now and help out.") The need to rebel against those controlling mass media has never been stronger. NO, we do not want any more God-damn reality shows! No, we are not going down to New Orleans until we know for sure that is a good idea to go down there. No, we are not going to keep buying the crap you put out to the public, even if it wins a Grammy every time the group gets nominated!! We want vision. We want originality. We want rebels with imagination, humour and wit. We want someone who will turf the establishment with so much wit and style that they won't even know they are the victims. For now, we have to settle for the garbage rehash of cliches. The biggest irony is that this tired establishment paid tribute to the passing of Martin Luther King's wife, recognizing her civil rights achievements before they all slipped back into their own banalities. Pete Townsend was right when he sang "Meet the new boss, same as the old boss" but we certainly have been "Fooled Again".

My own quote

Yesterday, I came up with this gem:

"I must have been a cat in my previous nine lives."

Upcoming Election

Some people have asked me for my take on the upcoming election so I thought I would weigh in with my loonies' worth.
Picking the party to run our country is pretty much like picking what favourite snack you would like to eat from "Fear Factor". Shall I go with the prickly sweet Beetle dung nuggets or maybe a nice fresh serving of the nutty-tasting locust. Of course, for the full dining effect, I have to strip naked and slither in my food first for a full five minutes but I digress.
Canadians have a tough choice and what a choice it is. Paul Martin, our present Prime Minister heads the Liberal party. Self-championed for its fight against separatism, no other party has continuously fueled the fire of Quebec's will to separate from the rest of the country. The Liberal party is singularly responsible for there being a separatist party living off Federal funds (Bloc Quebecois). The general feeling is that the Liberals need to be booted out faster than a cheating husband dodging his possessions flying out of his former home. It is interesting to note that not one politician has seen any jail time and most Canadians still believe Martin had his hands in the public cookie jar. What's the alternative? That he claims he did not know where the public cookie jar was? Corruption vs. Incompetence. The problem is that Martin never had a vision for Canada because he is so guided and a slave to opinion polls. He formed so many circles at the beginning of his statements during the Leaders' debate that I thought he was talking about his mom's home-made pie. Or perhaps he was using sign language - "I know we screwed up and we are corrupt but please just one more term." No doubt, the Liberals have to go.
Which leaves us with the Conservatives. We do not know very much about Stephen Harper other than he has put a stronger muzzle on his yahoo redneck party members waiting to jump into Ottawa from the republican corners of Canada. In the debate, Harper was literally leaning to the left as he was speaking. Does this mean he will be a Red Tory? He has so far hedged many questions that would betray his right wing movement. The biggest thing going for him and his party is Adscam and the need for change. Western alienation may indeed be put on the backburner at least until another four years are done.
Jack Layton and the NDP are our third choice. Now most Canadians do not consider the NDP simply because the party line leans too much towards communism. Some think the party stands for New Deficits Pending. Good ol' Jack is for the working man but his image is quite upper middle class. If he wants more votes, he should show up to workers' functions with used and worn clothing. Maybe he should sport a thick beard or at least a thicker walrus moustache. Hey, it worked for Lech Walesa of Solidarity. Jack like the others is much too repetitive and much to ho hum in his message. Like the other three, he needs new campaign writers that don't hang on to cliches like an unsuspecting patient clinging to life after meeting Dr. Kevorkian by accident. To be totally effective, Jack really need to put on twenty pounds and grow 5 inches. He is too small and his party is too small. "Woe" says the other leaders, "Let the little man speak." The last thing that bugs me about Jack is his image. He seems to have that look on his face that says "I am KINKY." Five years from now after Jack is out of politics, one will probably catch up with him at Chez Parees before one of his many upcoming lap dances. Hopefully by that time the moustache will be shaven off. (What am I saying?)
Lastly, but certainly not least we have Gilles Duceppe. Being the only non-Federalist leader of the four, I am surprised that the others don't pounce all over this man. He has a face that begs you - "Please pummel me. Please beat my face because that is what I am asking for. Please separate my left eye from its socket." Duceppe in one way is the least smartest man of all of them. If he really wanted to break up Canada, he should run Bloc Quebecois candidates all across the country. He would certainly get votes from many Canadians who are fed up with Quebec. The slogan could read "Keep Quebec in its block". But alas, like so many Quebec politicians, Duceppe is an isolationist and therefore only campaigns in Quebec while Ottawa pays his and his members' salary. It is strange to hear Duceppe comparing Quebec to the European model. Gilles, you don't even have your own currency to give up. If you separate, you will be getting your own currency and I would love to see how much 1 levesque dollar would be worth in US funds. Tabernac, a poutine costs 275 levesque dollars!! Gilles does not want you to think about those things. For now - "Please pay me while I try to break up your country!" Nice.
So there is the lovely picture of our leaders. Which begs the question - can we re-shuffle the deck and see what else we can come up with?

My list of Insanity

Here is my own list of insane things to do:
1) Run down the hall of the animal shelter ...singing at top level voice - "WHO LET THE DOGS OUT"......
2)When the barber/hairdresser wets your hair for a trim...you yell....OH MY GOD THAT IS WAY TOO MUCH!!!!
3) Cut in front of the kids in line to see Santa and yell.... YOU PROMISED MY SON A 50 PIECE TRAIN SET AND SINCE I AM PAYING ALIMONY AND UNEMPLOYED, YOU BETTER DELIVER.....
4) When walking by a priest...start talking to yourself saying things like....."I said cut it out SATAN!!!!!"
5)When the Jehovah Witness come to the door looking for money, break out into Janet Jackson's "What have you done for me lately?"
6) When the bailiff asks you to put your right hand on the bible and and asks you to swear to tell the truth...you say.."F--k yes"
7) When the homeless squeegie your windshield ask him to check the oil too....speed off before he has a chance to answer....
8) When the cop asks you how much your were speeding, you say..."I am sorry that your radar gun is not working properly."
9) When the butcher points to the ticket machine and says "Take one"...uproot the whole machine and walk out of the store.
10) Start dancing around like you have to go...when the cashier is scanning your groceries...and then when it looks like you cannot hold it any more...give her an item that she will need a price check on.

70's Show Part 2

I thought I would look at two more shows from the seventies:

Charlie's Angels: Now all the girls that are reading it are saying "WATCH IT..." but let's look at the facts. I think of all the girls, the Kate Jackson character might have made a cop. But overall, come on. These girls take one Tai Kwon Do lesson, are given a gun and then are told something like "You girls are now cops but you now work for me Charlie...". Can you say pimp?
Here is the formula for the show that always bothered me. There is always a villain and most of the time it was a guy because you can never pass up the opportunity to watch a woman kick the guy in balls for a good laugh. The women always hung out like sisters and could never have meaningful relationships with men. They were either villains or unfortunately for them ...they were shot. But that is ok because the sisters got each other. The other part of the formula which is disturbing is that always at the end, there is always laughter and joking with Charlie speaking through that speaker box. Since every episode usually results in some death by the villain, the angels always seem to laugh it off at the end. The only man in that show that never gets harmed and is always visible is Bosley. You know that if Bosley had his way, he would be shacking up with any one or all of the angels at the same time! The angels know this and they tease and flirt with Bosley sometimes to get what they want..and always with nothing substantial in return. If you ask me, with all that Bosley has gone through with the angels...he should have gotten some action in return. Instead, he is treated like the older sister and is never quite seen as a man's man. Sorry, Bosley, angels only sleep with men who get shot and killed!

Roadrunner and Wild E Coyote: This cartoon has been seen by millions and millions of kids over the past forty years. I watched it in the seventies and it is amazing how entertainment does not provoke any real thought when watching it. Here we have the Wild E Coyote, possibly the most cunning, innovative and most intelligent predator ever to have lived. The coyote must have Club Acme points because he orders everything under the sun from that company. The ironic thing is that he orders everything from bird seed to nuclear arsenals....why can he not order out...or get delivery??
Let's look at his meal. Well, there is hardly anything to look at...there not much food for the roadrunner to provide the coyote. He would have to catch at least 5 or 6 roadrunners to have a proper meal but he cannot even catch one! Sylvester the cat has more of my votes as a predator because at least he has taken tweetie and shoved him down his throat before being beaten to a pulp to cough Tweetie up. I don't think the Coyote has even touched the real Roadrunner! I always find it amazing that both the Coyote and the Roadrunner always use the roads in the desert. It is always the Coyote who pays the price. Now, the Coyote has been trying so long to catch the Roadrunner ...what would happen if he actually caught him? Most would think that there would be the instant meal but some might say SEX and then the meal.
I find the Roadrunner is fearless beyond stupidity. I mean you watch a two ton stone flatten your mortal enemy and the next day, he is back to chasing you? I would be scared. Can anything actually kill this Coyote? He keeps on coming. If I was the Roadrunner I would be so out of the desert because this Coyote seems to have 125 lives. Why does the Roadrunner always beep when there is no one in front of him....everything important is always behind him....do you think they really hear that BEEP BEEP? Quite the extensive vocabulary he has too. Two words over and over again. If I were the Coyote I would get myself to a St. Hubert's BBq restaurant. They have the picture of the Roadrunner on the sign and you can go in and get a good meal of Chicken (roadrunner's cousin)and not have to worry about the dangers of dynamite, falling off a cliff or an oncoming truck that will hit you at the last minute.
BEEP BEEP......

70's & 80's Tv Shows Part 1

I like to ramble on about those successful seventies tv shows. Why is it that we look back on these shows with fond memories but groan when we actually get to see them again? Worse, we never thought about anything rationally when we watched these shows:

Murder, She Wrote: Angela Lansbury was already quite old when she started doing this show and with the odd made-for-tv movie, she is still at it - solving murders without all of her faculties at full capacity. If you think about it, can you ever really wonder how this woman remained sane? Every two bit cousin she ends up visiting either gets murdered or gets involved in a murder. How can one stay happy and upbeat when everytime you go on a holiday or even when you are not, there is a murder. This woman should have ended up in some sanitarium!! If I was one of her relatives, I would definitely put her off from visiting me. No thank you, umm...murders seem to follow you wherever you go. Every show has to have a murder. Someone has to pay. Otherwise, the show might have to be temporarily changed to "Attempted Murder, She wrote." Think of it. There are about 30 episodes a season in about a nine-month period for the seasons. I don't think your average policeman sees that much crime and if he does...he puts in for time off and in a hurry. The formula for this show got so tiring they should have renamed it "Murder, she wrote, rewrote, rewrote and rewrote yet again." One more thing about Jessica...she gives these disapproving looks after the true identity has been revealed. It is that shaking of the head at the very end of the show. It is always the second last scene because the last scene is where she gets happy again and the world is once again happy for her as she trots off to her next murder.

Columbo: Why is it that Columbo always has those amazing puzzling cases in which there is only one suspect involved? Do people in California not work in groups? He does not seem to be able to cope with more than one suspect. How would he do if he were to play a game of clue? "I can't handle this ...too many people doing too many things..." I find it amazing that the villains who are usually rich and extravagent are so resourceful and motivated to kill once but display extreme patience with a nagging, pesty lieutenant. I mean it does not take a rocket scientist to get away with killing Columbo! You have your choice of exploding cigars or some easy tinkering with his clunker of a car that he drives. How about setting up Columbo by informing his wife (whom we never get to see)about some fictitious nocturnal activities? His wife knows how he thinks and if anyone can get away with the perfect murder, it would be Ms. Columbo!

Father Dowling: A program whereby a Catholic priest ends up solving crimes. First of all, maybe Father did not have the right career path in mind when he chose to be a priest and not a detective. Where was he when all of those priest child molesters were out there doing their thing? Also, if I were a criminal, I could easily neutralize Father Dowling if he were on my tail. All I would have to do is get him in the confession box and then I would be getting Priest parishioner confidentiality.
I would have like to have seen the premise for this show differently. The plot line goes something like this...Richie Cunningham's father kills his mother and then joins the priesthood to solve the crime! In the end, he strikes a bargain with the Church to remain a priest for his penance and all is forgiven!"

Hardy Boys: Two twenty something teen idols go back to playing teens and try to solve crimes that 10 year olds can figure out. After all when we were ten, we read most of the books. I don't remember much else except all the girls going ga ga over Shaun Cassidy and then some feeling sorry for Parker Stevenson being left out. It destroyed my image of the Hardy boys. I read the books and on the cover were these clean cut boys from the fifties. All of a sudden on the show, they all have long hair and are almost hip. What happened? Did they pass Woodstock on the way to solving some of their cases?

Six Million Dollar Man: This show caused me and all of my friends to battle it out in slow motion in the school yard. Of course if we were mean, we would speed up the punching part .... I was always amazed at how he could hold down a heavy helicopter without it lifting him up....did he have super graviton energy in his legs? Question: if you are running at 70mph and you only have one bionic arm...would that not throw you off kilter and cause you to wipe out thereby needing more surgery? They should have ripped of his surviving arm and given him two bionic arms for equilibrium. It is a good thing they did not give him a bionic penis...everytime he would see a pretty woman....whack...his woody...actually a metally would burst through any clothing and he would immediately get a bionic cuff from his bionic wife. Of course she would need a bionic vagina because of all the potential damage he could do.

That is all for now....will do some more later....bye!